The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize