I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
