FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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