dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
