Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
There r osticjed everywhere
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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