I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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