Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
