it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
