Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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