so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
