do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
