I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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