at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
