I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
