i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
