like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
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