Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
