Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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