Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
