Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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