Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
