Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
