the new term for farting is butt boxing.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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