well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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