I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
