I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
