So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
