Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
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Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
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Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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