I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
