Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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