batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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