genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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