i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
