I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
