Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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