Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It's shark week go big or go home
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
