her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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