Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
