after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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