hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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