we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
