You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
