Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
