alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
