evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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