we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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