Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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