mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
