My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
