When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
