I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
