My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
