also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
