is your mom at the bar?
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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