she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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