Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
