Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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