I smell stomach acid.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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