ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
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I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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