You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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