Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I need a beard to bite.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
