I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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