are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
