i think my tv is drunk
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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