I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
