some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize