why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
