Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
